Just took my morning after pill in the library
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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