My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
