That's when you crack a 10am beer
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
