I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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