I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
