I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
