So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
