He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
