scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
