I met the friendliest cop last night
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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