She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
