remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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