Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
