At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
