I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
