This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
