It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
