Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
