I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize