girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
