At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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