i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
