he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
