I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
