fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
