Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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