Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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