this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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