All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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