the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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