Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
