His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
