apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Randomize
