Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
