Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
