This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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