census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
