if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
