I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
