I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
