I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
