From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
