we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
