I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
