When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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