I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Randomize
