If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize