Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
