she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
