That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
