Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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