She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
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