i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
