Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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