If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
