He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
