You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
