there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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