make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
