Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
