I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
