My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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