get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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