hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
