I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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