Sponge bath it is.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize