Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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