I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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