so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
