She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
