I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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