I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
