I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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