someone threw a dead crab at me
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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